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The Real Story of Thanksgiving

Since neither me, nor Honkey will be posting much until after the holiday season winds down, I figured I’d drop a massive truth bomb on you for Thanksgiving.

Everybody knows the traditional honkey version of Thanksgiving. Some crackers in funny hats sailed to the New World. When they got here, they didn’t have any slaves, so they almost starved to death. Then some friendly indians came along, and saved all the honkies from a gruesome death at the hands of mother nature. And I think one of them married Pocahontas. A touching story to be sure, but like most things in cracker history, it’s a lie concocted to hide the ugly truth of honkey oppression.

What the honkey euro-centric text books never taught that it was not just a bunch of crackers in funny hats and buckled shoes on the mayflower. They also had about fifty african slaves with them to help them work their fields and clean their houses.

When the Mayflower landed, the African slaves saw their chance. They were in the wilderness, and there was no cracker laws to force them to do anything. When night fell, the fifty African slaves ran away into the wilderness. In less than a week they built a fly fort out of trees and mud. They hunted deer, and caught fish for sustenance. They were shitting in high cotton!

The pilgrims, on the other hand, were livid. Their slaves had run away. There was no one to work their fields, or clean up after them. At first they thought they could survive on their own, but they were sadly mistaken.

Meanwhile, at the slave fort, the newly free slaves were discovered by the local indians. The local indians were angry that the slaves were keeping them up all night banging on their deerskin drums, and encroaching on their hunting lands. The slaves told the indians that they did not want to be there, but the honkies brought them there against their will. The indians, not being familiar with cracker treachery decided to investigate.

When they spoke with the honkies, the honkies told the indians that the only reason they were there was because the slaves escaped. The crackers told the indians that if they would help return their slaves, they would leave, and never come back. This sounded like a fair deal to the naive indians, so they agreed.

When the indian/cracker raiding party approached the slave tree fort, the leader of the honkies shouted for the slaves to submit or be killed. The slaves chose to die rather than to be enslaved again. The indian/cracker coalition exterminated the slaves. The slaves fought valiantly, killing many crackers and indians during the fight, but the combined forces of the indians and crackers, like some sort of ancient Voltron, overwhelmed the slaves.

After the massacre, the honkies invited the indians to their place for a big feast to say thanks for their help with the slave situation. The indians accepted the honkies’ hospitality. When they returned to the cracker settlement, a big party with music, and drinking was had. Then when it was time for the feast, the honkies killed all the indians. Then ate them.

The end. Happy Thanksgiving.

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Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Y I Hate YT

A lot of folks ask me, “Rev. Dr. Swift, why do you hate white people so much?” I get asked that question so often, I figured I would go ahead and type out my thoughts on the matter for all the oppressors to see! They will know that I am not afraid of their police state, and their inherently racist (in)Justice System!

First of all, let me preface this by saying that I am not a racist, some of my best friends are white, but even crackers have to admit they are evil. Just take a look at the prisons. Richard Pryor once said that he went down to the police station looking for justice, and that was exactly what he found, just us. It is not a secret that the white prison system incarcerates way more black people than it does honkies. That way whitey can ensure that more black children grow up without their fathers. It is also no secret that children that come from a broken home are more likely to commit crimes. The white (in)Justice System is being used by whitey to create a self-perpetuating black criminal factory. On top of that, everybody knows black folks like to smoke weed and attend a good dog fight, so whitey went and made those two black recreational activities illegal, air go, it is easier to arrest young, strong, intelligent brothers like Michael Vick. Michael Vick is not a criminal, he is a victim of racist policing policies set up to disproportionally punish black men for doing nothing more but indulging their God given instincts!

On top of that, crackers have all the money! Honkies like Sheldon Adelson and Steve Jobs are born into privilege, and then climb their way to the top of the Fortune 500 on the backs of black people. White privilege gave them access to the best schools, and easy grades. White privilege enabled them to secure capital for their risky business ventures. Their white privilege allowed them to take advantage of all that Amerikkka has to offer, and we all know Amerikkka was built by slaves! Black, African slaves! Theirfour those honkies got rich off the blood, sweat, and tears of the black people that built this country five hundred years ago.

Crackers are also a bunch of whining-ass bitches. Every time a few young brothers punch a few honkies, honkies start crying like a bunch of women watching a Lifetime movie! Give it up, nobody is buying your fake outrage! Where were you when your people were torturing, and killing my people five hundred years ago? Crackers didn’t care about the oppression of black people then, and they don’t care now. So what if you got roughed up a little? You deserve it!

In summation, honkies are failures as human being. Never has there been another group of people so privileged, yet so evil. I hate honkies with every fiber of my being. I can’t stand a honkey! If I could get away with it, I would punch every honkey I saw. But, Rachel McAdams, I’d hit that!

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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