Why I Will Vote for Herman Cain

03 Nov

Yes, I will vote for Herman Cain in the primary despite all the “sexual harrisment (which during the early 90’s made the long overdue change from harassment), and his obvious blackness”. I am sure some of you loyal readers may be shocked to learn that a guy named “Honkey McCrackerson” would vote for a black guy. Well that’s not my real name, the right reverend told me that if I wanted to work here, I had to take that name. Give me a minute or thirty of your time, and I will attempt to explain my feelings on Herman Cain.

First, let me crack this sexual harrisment chestnut. It is quite simple, really. See, I don’t care if he hit on women. I don’t. Sexual harrisment is not a crime, like say perjury or selling state secrets to the Chinese. Sexual harrisment is nothing more than a vehicle for screeching feminists to promote misandry. I am of the apparently outdated notion that in the grand scheme of things offending someone, anyone, is not that big a deal. In fact, it is my ever so humble opinion that when someone is offended it is more of an indictment of the offended than of the offender. In other words, people who get offended are whiny bitches, and I don’t give a crap about their feelings.

Secondly, before any of you start in on me, yes I am well aware of the historically detrimental effect blacks have had on society the world over. I just don’t think Herman Cain is the average citizen of Detroit or New Orleans. I could be wrong, but I think the fact that Herman Cain is in his current position is a strong indicator that he may be a few standard deviations above the average negro.

Lastly, who else is there to vote for? Rick “you’re soulless if you don’t like illegal immigrants” Perry? Mitt “I’m not entirely sure what my position on gun control, health care, or abortion is” Romney? Ron “I’m not a nut, but most of my supporters are” Paul? I think there are some other people running for the nomination too, but they aren’t important enough for me to ridicule. In all fairness to Dr. Paul, if there is some new information that comes to light that shakes my confidence in Cain, my vote will most likely go to Paul.

Cain claims to be against illegal immigration. He claims to support the Fair Tax. He claims he wants to reduce the size and scope of the federal government. There are no ideal candidates, and frankly, a presidential candidate who was all things to all people would frighten me. Besides, it doesn’t really matter because the country will descend into civil war in ten years anyway.

Rev. Dr. Swift’s Comments

You racist cracker, don’t you know it’s more racist to vote for Herman Cain than any of those other crackers?”

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Posted by on November 3, 2011 in Uncategorized


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