Bryant Gumble Down for the Struggle

20 Oct

Bryant Gumble, possibly the whitest black man in Amerikkka, recently upped his blackness quotient when he compared NBA Commissioner David Stern to a “plantation overseer.” The comment obviously implies that NBA players are slaves. I am sure most of you honkies out there are appalled at the comparison, but let me assure you it is a valid one.

To understand Gumble’s comments you have to shed your cracker perceptions and honkey world view. You have to look past the pretty packaging and ribbons that are meant to keep viewers from seeing the racism inherent in the sports world. You need to look deeper than the fact that NBA players make millions of dollars, drive fancy cars, and live in big houses. You have to look past the fact that the NBA markets individual players like Lebron James, Kobe Bryant, and Chris Paul over their teams. All of these facts are smokescreens designed to distract from the ugly truth buried within the NBA: That the NBA is nothing more than a modern day plantation exploiting black men.

Once you have successfully shed your whiteness, you can begin to look at the NBA, and see how it can be compared to a plantation. One recent, widely publicized example of racism in the NBA is David Stern instituting a dress code for players. Seeing as how the NBA is overwhelmingly black, you would think Stern would tailor this dress code accordingly. Maybe make sure that all baggy pants be picked from a group of respected name brands. Or possibly make sure that players watches, chains, rings, and bracelets match. Those things would make sense, but no. Stern decided that the NBA players should dress like white people, and that is totally unacceptable.

Another recent, well publicized example of systemic racism in the NBA is the reaction of fans and Dan Gilbert to Lebron James “taking his talents to South Beach.” The venom that began to slung ofter that free agent signing resembled what would happen if the Grand Wizard of the KKK’s wife leaving him for Malcolm X. Dan Gilbert, the owner of Cleveland Cavaliers, got all pissed off and wrote an open letter calling Lebron “heartless” and “disloyal” just like he was some sort of slave owner beating a runaway slave. David Stern did fine Gilbert for the letter, and was quoted as saying so-called super teams like the Miami Heat were good for the league, but Stern is a Jew. We know you can’t take anything a Jew says at face value.

Any sane individual who has successfully shed his white mindset must conclude after seeing the evidence that the NBA is nothing more than a modern day plantation. Sure, there are no beatings, killings, chains, poverty, or forced selective breeding, but there is plenty of oppression. Sure NBA players make millions and have the leverage to play where they want, but they can’t switch teams without being called names by fans and their former owners. I think once Occupy Wall Street is done on Wall Street, they should occupy the NBA offices until these plantation conditions are ended.


Posted by on October 20, 2011 in Uncategorized


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8 responses to “Bryant Gumble Down for the Struggle

  1. baldowl

    October 21, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    The only slaves left in this country are the people going to work every day so they can pay taxes to support those who won’t work. Isn’t that pretty much the definition of slavery? A slave does the work so someone else doesn’t have to.
    NBA players are athletic entertainers for the most part; very few of them are sportsmen in the traditional sense.

  2. revdrswift

    October 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    White people, slaves? Where in the history of the planet have white people ever been slaves? That’s like saying there were black people that sold slaves. Silly cracker oppressions for minorities.

    • baldowl

      October 21, 2011 at 2:10 pm

      I used to “do” a black character I named Amos Shitfucker. Boy, did he get tiresome quick, with all his whinging and finger-pointing. I’ll be interested in seeing how long you can keep this up, “Reverend.”

      • Anonymous X

        October 23, 2011 at 9:59 pm

        Hey, fuck you, “baldowl”. I am frankly pretty diseased & fatigued from all these incessant trials & inquisitions that COWARDS like yourself are launching like poisoned spears toward my Black friend & colleague, the honorable Rev. Dr. Swift. Like the pathetic caucasian you are, you rigidly, robotically, & UNRHYTHMICALLY march into HIS turf, his rightful territory, only to slander & undermine his words; and then, as soon as he easily refutes your bullshit (humiliating you & your wack style in like fashion), all you can do is ANONYMOUSLY muster an ad hominem assassination attempt on our Black Man, namely, by directly attacking his pure and noble caricature (sp?).

        As I said, I can already tell you’re just a redneck, cracker-ass whitejack. So here’s MY question to YOU, you pathetic white trash: Why are you pseudonymously hiding behind your monitor under that faggoty-white handle? Huh? Ya scurred that tha big Black Man gon’ get ya? ‘Cuz, basically, you up in here straight actin’ like a little pale-faced biatch. And all the Black folks on this site can see it damned clearly — as clearly now as when the mothafuckin’ RAIN is gone, if I may put it in the beautifully inspiring Black Words of my brothas Johnny Nash & Bob Marley.

        Real recognize real, punk-ass. You’re merely a WANNABE Tough Guy, a PHONY Big Man, or like my man 50 said, a WANKSTA. If you think I’m wrong, then come at me, dawg. Try it. Get stole in yo’ mothafuckin’ jaw. That’s right. What.

        That’s what I thought.

        Reverend Doctor, excellent post. Notice how whitey always tries to flip a Black Man’s script via revisionary redefinition & rhetorical riddling. Your response to him was sufficiently authoritative and on-point. I hope you never let that blank demon cast doubt or shame on your true identity as an African amerikkkan, which is really, when it comes down to it, the only possibly genuine personality a human can actually ever have. Thus I speak to you today: Persevere on your mission; continue jivin’ ‘n strivin’ for World Peace, for Thug’z Mansion, for Tha Brotha Hood of the inevitable future. If you made it through centuries of slavery, you can certainly survive through this, its latest, more subtle manifestation.


        • baldowl

          October 23, 2011 at 10:02 pm

          Ahahahaha!!! You’ve got TWO! Well done.

          I’m an accomplished troll myself. I have five Facebook accounts, and one of them is actually under my real name.

          • Anonymous X

            October 24, 2011 at 9:22 am

            Wait a minute, “baldowl”. Look, although I realize we all look alike to you people, you should be aware that you really are talking to TWO different, distinct individuals. I suppose I ought to state upfront & outright that I definitely do not intend to cause any confusion in this regard, and I hope you might minimally trust me on at least that point. So, once again, I’m not Rev. Dr. Swift. And while I can’t in good conscience profess to know our gracious host too closely on any deeper levels beyond the web (well, except for in the biblical sense, i.e., to be sure, spiritually)*, unless he’s covertly in the closet regarding some extra business of which I’m currently ignorant, I can again with confidence sincerely state: these uniquely original identities of which you speak, specifically the duo of Black Gentlemen/Scholars by whom you’ve ostensibly been schooled, hail from TWO separate sources, i.e., two distinct persons.

            I’m terribly sorry if you could not even fathom this modest notion that there just might actually exist multiple niggas like me who, simultaneously, both exceed an 80 IQ and threaten that pleasant security of your precious, little cocoon of comfort, in which you’ve snoozed away “guilt-free” throughout the accumulation of these countless “white nights” during which so-called “peace & prosperity” alone persisted, despite the patently colored-less reign of blatant terror. Now, however, it would seem you have been outrageously mistaken. So I say, yeah, your ass should be scared.

            – – – – –
            [*Superfluous & Excessive Background Disclosure: I was entirely unacquainted with the good Rev. Dr. Smith until only a couple weeks ago, when I initially stumbled upon the humble weblog before us and discovered an oasis of enlightenment, an ingeniously presented Niger Vox clamantis in deserto (in a manner of speaking) right here among us. If I recall correctly, the finding occurred as I angrily perused the combox of some dumb honky’s autistically-crafted screed against “the blacks” on one fate-filled day over at one of those notorious bastions of intolerance — In Mala Fide, I believe, or Unamusement Park, or some other such pointless (and, of course, racist) drivel.

            Suddenly (and OK, I admit, perhaps prematurely), I came with delight — as well as sound & fury — upon the most glorious sight, Swift and his beautiful Black defiance. I remember shortly afterward, in fact, still observing in amazement, I was fortunate enough to witness the full extent of this shocking stranger’s giant Black intellect, as he took it out and began to commandeer it with striking precision, punitively pounding away at the many surrounding embodiments of Hate from every angle imaginable. Needless to say, once he unabashedly displayed this wide extent of rare yet now-familiar dissent, which he always seizes so vigorously when debating, I could no longer deny that our Reverend Doctor’s Black Power had overwhelmed me and captured my fancy for good.

            One final note: I implore you, do not interpret my account here today of the Big Rev’ as mere hyperbole; in all honesty, he was shamelessly making hardcore, xenophobic non-Asian majorities from all across the worldwide web incredibly hot ‘n bothered. Thus, extremely excited, as is my nature, I was hooked in a mere instant — and maybe permanently. Indeed, at the moment, I’m still taken in by a strangely blissful aura of what I can only describe as this sort of bone-tinglingly homoerotic — dare I say, bootlip-quiveringly Afroromantic? — engagement of inescapably psychosomatic, increasingly awkward, apparently never-ending proportions. Alas, since I could hardly stand being accused of ever bearing anything but the utmost commitment to whatever this blog may henceforth conceive, I shall staunchly remain a rather stiff Swift apologist, primarily for the benefit of my great race.

            (In other words: yes, I, myself at least, plan to maintain this weirdly explicit favor of my fellow dark-skinned homos apiens sapiens. That is, unto the damned grave.) Therefore you bitch-ass naggers & naysayers would do well to listen the hell up, ‘cuz I’m only gonna say this once, and it begins immediately hence. Quit playin’ around and takin’ this shit lightly, as if it’s some kind of fucking joke. Y’all sittin’ around, thumbs up your asses, fuckin’ with a bunch of damned Tiddlywinks. I mean, c’mon, seriously, you think this is a game? Do you think this is a FUCKIN’ game!? If so, then, as a wise & handsome, very attractive Black philosopher once quipped: the shit’s chess; it ain’t checkers.

            Uh, all right then. That’s that. Seems I’ve burnt out. Peace, niggas.]

  3. revdrswift

    October 23, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    AnonymousX is truly one of the enlightened brothers. Bald owl, I would recommend reading his comments closely to get the full effect of the truth that AnonymousX is dropping.

    • baldowl

      October 23, 2011 at 10:26 pm

      Oh, I shall put things aside to do just that, dear Reverend.


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